A New Start

It's been years since I last wrote a blog post, so this is a strange feeling for me. However, I'm hoping it will be a useful tool for me as I progress with recovery.

Credit: Nathan W. Pyle 

So...my name is Abbey. I am 30. And I am choosing sobriety, or at least that is the goal. I've been reading a lot of Reddit posts about the experiences of others, and saw a few users mention that it can be helpful to keep a log, so that's what I'm trying to do.

I used to drink until blackout pretty much every night. Obviously this impacted on my life in several ways, including being on a last warning for lateness at my job and, the biggest motivating factor, my ex-fiancé kicking me out.

While I'm back in the flat now and we're on speaking terms, I don't really know where we stand. I'm pretty sure he was all set to break everything off for good the last time I drank (and lied about how much I'd had ...sober me doesn't lie). But now he's undecided since he can see that I've started taking steps towards sobriety. But he doesn't trust me one bit (fair) and keeps throwing my bad decisions in my face rather than being fully supportive (kind of a dick move).

Recovery isn't linear, and you have to be ready to do it. I wasn't ready before now, and I know I made mistakes. I'm only human, and one that would probably benefit from a shit ton of therapy at that. I can't undo the things I've done or unsay the things I've said. But I can try to do better in the future.

I'm 9 days sober at this point and, truth be told, I don't even miss alcohol particularly. No cravings, no withdrawal; pretty clear it was just habit and enjoying being drunk (helps to ignore the crippling depression and anxiety, I suppose) rather than a physical addiction. Now I just miss him.

So I've been lurking in a bunch of subreddits to get tips and warnings. I have my second SMART meeting this evening, after which I'm going to do a proper pamper with a girly movie, face mask, and Nozecco. I'm actually feeling quite positive despite everything, and definitely feel less tired generally. That said, I have been napping more as a coping mechanism since I haven't been drinking!

Don't know when I will write next or if I even will, but I guess this is it for now.