Old Habits & Lost Baggage

  I've been having a hard time with my mental health recently, mostly with trying to wrap my head around what's even going on. So just going to vomit out my jumbled thoughts here. I've been on antidepressants for about half a year I think, and since quitting drinking I can definitely feel that they're working. I still feel like shit most of the time, but I'm guessing that's just reactionary? I've been crying a lot, feeling super insecure and paranoid, but also feeling like a completely different person at the same time. I've felt happier generally, and doing things like humming to myself (in a tuneful way, unlike my anxiety hum). I even get occasional bursts of energy which I was worried about at first, but when I think about it, wasn't I like that before depression? It's just wild to think about because I was a child then, is this who I should have been for the last two decades? The insecurity is pretty easy to pin down, that's due to the di...

 As of yesterday, I have officially avoided alcohol for two whole weeks. I have somewhat conflicted feelings about this as on the one hand, it isn't that much time so is it really an accomplishment? Especially when it hasn't been all too difficult yet. But I feel somewhat proud nonetheless despite the shame of having to do so in the first place. Things are improving slowly. My partner went from literally moving time off work so that he could move out to agreeing to give us another go since I "seem serious" about it. While I'm relieved it has put a lot of extra stress on me over the past couple weeks, and I've still been crying fairly frequently. But not all hope is lost! So that's something. Still unsure whether I should sell my wedding dress or not though as I suppose we aren't engaged anymore. I suppose if I end up needing the money then I will, which is sad. Hoping to save a little more money now that I've cut from buying alcohol every day to bu...

It's been years since I last wrote a blog post, so this is a strange feeling for me. However, I'm hoping it will be a useful tool for me as I progress with recovery. Credit: Nathan W. Pyle  So...my name is Abbey. I am 30. And I am choosing sobriety, or at least that is the goal. I've been reading a lot of Reddit posts about the experiences of others, and saw a few users mention that it can be helpful to keep a log, so that's what I'm trying to do. I used to drink until blackout pretty much every night. Obviously this impacted on my life in several ways, including being on a last warning for lateness at my job and, the biggest motivating factor, my ex-fiancé kicking me out. While I'm back in the flat now and we're on speaking terms, I don't really know where we stand. I'm pretty sure he was all set to break everything off for good the last time I drank (and lied about how much I'd had ...sober me doesn't lie). But now he's undecided since ...